Belle's ER

August 29, 2012
I am sitting here and I don't know what to do.... Belle seriously out of no where started coughing then all of a sudden started struggling to breathe. She started crying a gasping for air at the same time, I rushed and gave her a nebulizer treatment and her breathing got worse. She hardly could breathe... Monkey threw clothes on and is at the ER with her right now. I am dying that I am not with her. As Monkey was carrying her out the door I just reached for her... I want to be with her so bad. Don't ask me why I am writing- I seriously don't know what to do. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I can not keep my family healthy. My poor Belle. I honestly have not been so scared before. I feel like asking why is this happening but I know we have to go through trials like this... So I am just pleading that we well get through this. I don't know how many more times I can watch my children go through this. I know I should be grateful, this could be a lot worse and other people have had and have it way worse. Hearing her gasp for air, I feel so helpless. How do I do this? I feel like I am expected to know how to be a mother and take perfect care of my kids but yet I have no clue what I am doing. Maybe there is something in our home making her sick... I will just go clean and maybe that will help get rid of something....

August 30, 2012
Well after the drama and tears of every family member last night, today Belle is doing so much better. She is in bed obviously but she can breathe thank heavens. Monkey and Belle got home around 1:30 am I was sitting in Belle's room looking out her window waiting for them to pull up. When they finally got home Belle came up the stairs... she was dressed in a little light green long hospital gown. I guess she threw up everywhere, including all over Monkey. She was holding stickers and a teddy bear which she named Tree Top. Her sweet face looked so exhausted. She was so pale with dark circles under her eyes. I just knelt down and she came straight to me and we just hugged. "I am okay Mama..." she said so softly in my ear. Of course I cried and we sat in her bed for awhile. We are all so grateful and especially grateful for priesthood blessings. Belle ended up just having a severe episode of the croup. She will be back to her crazy self hopefully in no time.

California

Finally after planning for about a year, our long awaited trip to Fresno, California to visit my parents on their mission finally came! Packing up for my now family of 5 is quite the ordeal. We have a van and you'd think we would have room but we were quite full in there. We left Monday night after Monkey's clinic and we had an awesome drive. I got the kids surprises throughout the drive and we snacked on tiny baby grapes and cold crisp smart water! Our pleasant drive turned into chaos the later it got- we arrived at our hotel around midnight where... Cash was screaming , Paige was screaming, and Belle was screaming, and I almost banged my head repeatedly on the window haha just kidding!!! Not so good to travel at night.

The next morning we got into the car and had an awesome drive and we pulled into FRESNO with my heart beating out of my chest to finally see my parents after a year... I practically fell out of the car and raced to hug them! I almost didn't let go! My kids saw their grandparents and smiles did not cease! I wish I could freeze time when my Mom first laid eyes on Paige! Her face was priceless... like finally your here Paige and you are safe. Through my pregnancy and having Paige in the hospital was really hard on me not having my Mom but I think it may have been harder for my Mom to be away. We also we greeted by my Mom's sign!!! Which is a tradition in our home! The rest of the day was just soaking up time with my parents! They kids wouldn't leave their sides, they were so excited... they played hide in seek, they wrestled, read books... My Mom whipped out her flash light and read Belle stories before bed while my Dad and Cash Wrestled! I was in heaven. I could not stop smiling... My kids love their grandparents and my kids are LOOOOVED by their grandparents! The middle of the night was spent doing laundry and trying to take care of Belle who threw up at least 4-5 times... My poor Mom did most the work and you could tell the next day we were both ready for hibernation! I can't thank my Mom enough for helping me!

The rest of the trip we got in the car a went to Livermore, CA where we stayed in a hotel for 2 nights, so my Mom and Dad could go through the Oakland temple with a family (which I will share more about later). As we drove up we stopped in Los Banos at this coolest little place where we explored a candy shop, got on trains, sampled chocolate covered everything, tried dried strawberry pineapple slices, got fresh fruit, saw my missionary Mother dancing to the music by a water mill, and smelled some incredible flowers! We then got a picnic of my Dad's favorite Bologna and miracle whip not mayo sandwiches and cruised down the 17 mile "gorgeous" drive.... breathe taking! We went and saw major grandeur!!! Beautiful golf courses, water, sand, SEALS, and we ended up at Monterey Beach. It was so wonderful- I didn't want to leave. But we got into our car and got stuck in traffic. We got to our hotel after being lost for what felt like ages.... and after Belle pinched me, ripped my hair countless times, screamed at me, whined who knows how long, yelled more, we fought like 2 year olds, and after a massive headache from trying to not completely throw her out the window!!!! haha- you see I was in the back of our van squashed between Belle and Paige's car seats... LOVELY! I kept catching my Mom holding the top of her nose trying not to laugh out loud about 100 hundred times while Belle and my madness was going on! We even had a moment where She didn't go to the bathroom and then we get in the car away from the bathrooms and she has to go... so we pulled over and I said she would have to go outside... She lost it crying she started yelling saying, "NO NO NO I DON'T WANT TO GO LIKE A DOG!!!" haha it was hilarious! The car ride was enjoyable too... Cash loved being by Grandma, he copied her every move. Her leg would go up and so would his. My Mom did quite the dance to entertain Cash haha and Dad and Monkey got to know each other really well. Finally we got into our rooms at the hotel and the kids acted like we were in a magical place! "We even have a shower in there!!!!" Cash kept saying. The first thing they wanted to do was get their swim suits on... so we did... and we all lounged at the pool. The kids had a blast playing crocodile or sea monster or whatever with Grandpa and their Dad! My Mom had some Paige time and I enjoyed just laying out by palm trees! It was picture perfect! We went to Sweet Tomatoes Mom and the kids favorite place and I had like 50 bowls of their calm chowder which I don't even like but could not get enough of! 

SATURDAY rolled around and we headed to the Oakland Temple. This temple is out of this world gorgeous. I was wanting to get remarried there! The flowers, trees, and fountain were perfect. The view from the temple you could see all of Oakland and San Francisco. Eye Popping! The temple itself made me feel like I was in Arabia! It was such a different world.... so peaceful, so meaningful, so what life I feel will be like  when the time comes for the Savior to come again. My Mom and Dad got the most incredible opportunity... A family they have been teaching a working with... oh and a husband who has taken 18 years to decide finally went to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity! 18 years his wife waited for him and now they were at the temple. They invited my parents... we rolled into the parking lot and we saw the family. The father of this family saw Dad and came over and hugged my Dad through the window, tears rolled down both their faces and words were not said just looks of "we did it". The feeling was indescribable... Tears rolled down my face as I could feel that this family knew being at the temple and being sealed was what it is all about. The look on everyone's face was pure peace and excitement. This family loved my parents. They kids even called my Dad their Grandpa! I was so blessed to witness this and be with my parents as their prayers for this family were answered.   

While my Mom and Dad were in the temple our little family went to Children's Fairyland 10 minutes away. What a cool place... it had rides, puppet shows, story time, games, mazes, animals, etc. It had characters like the 3 little pigs, Alice in Wonderland, Humpty Dumpty, The old women who lived in a shoes, etc. We had a blast Belle was so involved with all the stories she would walk in sit in the middile of kids she had no clue who they were and raise her hand so high to answer every question. Cash looooved the train, I did too until Belle decided to get too tired and go ballistic! Belle I love you so much..... but at your age you are giving me a run for the money!!! Big Time! At the train you cut in front of everyone and I of course pulled you back telling you to wait your turn and you said well you screamed... "No Mom you get me on that train now Mom... NOW MOM!" Then you got louder and screamed like a crazy lady then you said, "NOW MOM, YOU DO IT NOW!!!" You had to sit in the stroller for a while watching Cash ride rides. But other than complete melt down... we had a blast!!!!! Best place to bring HAPPY kids!

The rest of our trip was back in Fresno spending time together... looking at houses bigger than lady liberty, indulging doughnuts at Ann's doughnut shop... that is better than lamars or krispy kremes (I swear everywhere we went my someone knew my Dad... the store, the doughnut place, etc.), going to get a pool of "out of this world" gravy on two fluffy biscuits, laughing, staying up till 1am listening to my Dad talk about his childhood and getting to know him better than I have in 25 years... that was my favorite night, enjoying corn on the cob with butter a tabasco sauce... never had it before... pretty good, and going to a FIRESIDE where my Mom and Dad were the speakers, they spoke about traditions. People that had not been to church for a long time came because my parents went out of their way to personally invite them. I loved every minute of that fireside. You could fill the spirit so strongly as they spoke. OH, there was this huuuuuge wrestler type guy that sat behind us and he adores my parents... he was certainly enjoying himself. Every time they said something funny our whole bench and the whole bench behind us would shake from him laughing!

It was time to go home... that is the worst. Belle didn't realize we were actually not coming back and when she finally realized she could not stop crying. At least we got to go swimming again and have Tai food at or hotel...  or that day would have been on my top worst. I don't like leaving my parents.

This trip made a huge change in my life.... I saw my parents who I have known my whole life make a huge difference in a whole towns lives it felt! Going to church was like I was sitting by two celebrities. Everyone in the church kept telling me how incredible my parents are and how they have been such an inspiration. I realized how seriously important and easy it is to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. They were talking to everyone. My Dad at the store was asking our cashier if he had started reading the Book of Mormon that he gave him. While we were all taking a nap in the hotel I went to check on Cash and my Mom was up the hall giving a Book of Mormon to the cleaning lady. 

My favorite though was when we were coming up from the beach I saw my Mom talking to someone and all of a sudden my Dad was running to her from the car holding a Book of Mormon. He handed it to my Mom and she gave it to him. They talked to him for a bit and my heart just burned... it still does when I think about it. Yes I took a picture... but this was such a special and spiritual moment for me. Seeing my parents care so much and really with all their hearts wanting this man Peter to know what the Lord wanted him to know. In my Mom's last email she wrote a little sentence that summed up the whole trip for me she said... "We have all read the scriptural counsel from the Savior, to "be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only."" My parents are doers... they act! I have never been so proud! I have never been so motivated to share the gospel. I will always remember this trip. I feel like my parents mission wasn'e just for them, or the people in Fresno, California, it was for me... I have learned so much from their emails but even more from watching them give 100% of everything to serve their Heavenly Father. I want to be like them, I want to be a doer, I want to act... and I am going to try so hard! What an unforgettable trip.