Gladly Surviving

So since Paige has been home we have been staying home to make sure she stays well. I feel so bad for her because of all the diarrhea Paige has gotten a serious diaper rash. Man it is boily and everything. She spent all Monday night screaming because it hurt so bad. Monkey had to sleep on the couch so he could get some sleep to have energy to take his final. She was a bit better yesterday so we went outside to enjoy some fresh air and our fresh black berries... Which I don't think was a good idea but I will get to that later....

 I love our backyard... yes it is only a hill but there is black berries, cherry tree, apple trees, and sweet pea flowers that for my information actually grow sweet peas... snap peas! I had no idea! Anyways it was so good to be outside and to have Paige enjoy some sun! It was so fun watching Belle and Cash race! They were running everywhere! I have to say it is hilarious watching them run... because they are both soooooo slow!!! Like so slow! I love it! They definitely take after me.

 Later after snacking on PB and J and loving the healthy life... our night began. I finally got Paige down for the night around midnight. Oh and side note- I am struggling a bit with Paige, because she will not let me not hold her. She would sleep so well if I held her at night but I have a terrible fear of rolling over her that I don't sleep. Paige seriously can't handle it if I am not right next to her or holding her. Like for example... I needed to go to the store and I feed her and changed her and Paige was sleeping. 10 minutes into grocery shopping I get a text and Paige is screaming out of control. I leave and come in thinking something is wrong and I pick her up... she smiles and falls back asleep. Another day I leave to the library for a sec to get a short break by myself and same thing... within minutes Paige is awake and out of control crying. So I come home.... She will wake herself out of a dead sleep if I leave the room sometimes... Good thing she is a new born and so stinkin cute and getting so chunky- or I might be tempted not to come back.... just kidding!

 Anyways our night... I get Paige to bed at midnight and about 15 minutes later I feel a hand on my back. It is Cash. I looked at him and asked what was wrong and he threw up all over... I could not believe this was happening again....He threw up almost the whole night. Same thing he would come in my room and I would rush him to the bathroom and he would throw up! I got 3 loads of laundry done last night. The 5th time he came in I felt his hand I almost crushed him trying to get him to the toilet and nothing.... no throw up... He looked at me with his tear filled eyes and said, "Mommy I just wanted to hold your hand."

I died... and just fell down and hugged him for a while... I kept thinking why is this happening Heavenly Father... again?? This is seriously getting out of hand how many times this has happened to our family this year. I ended up praying saying,  "Obviously we are not suppose to be getting better so what do I need to learn from this that I am not learning, so my kids can finally be healthy? "

So without any sleep for honestly I don't know how long... I dragged myself out of bed to get the kids some breakfast... Cash seemed all the way better... I think he threw up the berries! Something must have really unsettled his stomach. Anyways I found an extra boost of energy. We worked out and I even got in the shower before 9pm! HA I vacuumed and sanitized everything, did more laundry, AND seemed to not get angry when Cash gave Belle a fat lip and spilled a whole bottle of kitchen soap all over the stairs and carpet, and when Belle told Cash after he was crying and trying to get to me... in a very creepy voice she said, "Moms not here.... she is dead!!!"

Yep.... Nap time finally came after lots of fighting "wrestling" in other words and I found myself remembering how tired I am... I got the kids down and feed Paige and all 3 children were asleep.

I called my Mom- Of course she found a way to answer my "why" question. I have found a new perspective and courage not just to throw in the towel. She found a scripture that made me understand trials a lot more. Sometimes the "why" questions seem to flood my mind.... but instead this time it's just as simple answer of it's not what I am not learning or what I am not doing right it's how I react or "survive" that may someday help another. Life is tricky... and very hard... filled with mystery... filled with sadness. But it is also filled with such happiness, laughter, and good things that seem to push out the bad. Like example.... the surprises I get when I Feed Paige.... Cash dressing himself in Belle's dresses and bawling his eyes out when I tell him to take it off before Dad sees him! Or when Belle runs out of her bed for the 50th time and me frustrated as all get out just to tell me she missed me and needed a hug. Or when I see her push a kid down for hurting Cash and telling the boy that pushed him to "never touch her brother again"... I probably shouldn't be proud of that- but I am. I won't tell Her that!  

Yeah life has been hard for me lately especially never seeing Monkey till dinner but to just have him come home to study... but I have found how much MORE I love Monkey everyday. He is so kind and tries so hard and gives up so much for us. He is always finding ways to help me. Also when I am getting screamed at for not going quick enough to get a drink for the kids I find that I still laugh, then teach them a lesson on kindness and patience, then smile because I am so grateful to have my 3 monsters!

So I guess as crazy as this sounds I am grateful for my trials... You really can see what people are made of... and each person in this sickly family I am so proud of! I thank my Heavenly Father everyday for them and for people who are always praying for us and for a Mom that always makes me want to be better.